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The Location of Chris “Sky” Saccoccia’s Super Secret Birthday Party Has Been Revealed, and It’s Pretty Much What You’d Expect
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The Location of Chris “Sky” Saccoccia’s Super Secret Birthday Party Has Been Revealed, and It’s Pretty Much What You’d Expect

This weekend, are you looking to burn a few hundred dollars drinking overpriced booze served to you by questionable women? I have the perfect event for you!

Chris “Sky” Saccoccia, the owner of Canada’s largest smegma collection (allegedly!), announced last month that he’s throwing himself a lavis 39th birthday party. The event is being billed as a star-studded event with DJs you’ve never heard of and Instagram “models” in cheap wigs.

In order to maintain the exclusivity of the event, details are only being provided to “members” of Saccoccia’s website. Even the location of the event was kept a secret, possibly to avoid being shut down for illegally serving alcohol?

The secret’s out.

I wanted to know more, so I became a “member” by filling out the form on his website. Initially, I received a price list (of course) featuring all the things I could waste my money on, followed by a flyer featuring scantily-clad “models” who would be serving booze. Next, for the ladies, he sent out a flyer featuring a few roided-out male models.

A massive stage with international acts and models, a very expensive VIP bottle service, and food and drink are all advertised by Saccoccia. The property, which is unknown to this point, is described as some incredible property an hour outside Calgary, Alberta.

The location was unknown… until last night.

The latest flyer for the event features an image of Saccoccia superimposed on a sign with the word “Greystone.” According to Google Maps, it looks like guests will be spending an evening in some sort of makeshift trailer park in the middle of nowhere. This is a big step down for the couple who used to travel the world, partying at expensive resorts.

As I researched more about the property, this is what I found:

Nothing. It’s impossible to find any trace of a “Greystone” in Sundre, Alberta. It appears to just be a random house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields. It would be the perfect location for a really shitty, straight-to-DVD horror film.

In terms of ticket sales and membership sign-ups, neither is clear, but if attendance is as sparse as Jenny’s recent birthday party, the group should have no trouble socially distancing.

I wonder which one of the models gets to sell the Just Say No merchandise out of garbage bags.

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