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ONTARIO ELX DAY (6/2)

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Fake News
EXCLUSIVE (Probably): Chris “Sky” Saccoccia’s Ottawa Speech Leaks Online
Anti-vaxxer extremist Chris Saccoccia plans on making a speech tomorrow at the Ottawa “freedom protest” and it’s going to be quite the spectacle. A middle-aged woman wearing a long, platinum-blonde wig, a fur coat and a “Just Say No” ski mask approached me in the street today to provide me with a copy of
Jenny Spotted Riding Husband, Chris “Sky” Saccoccia, on a Beach in Cancun, Mexico
The vaccinated anti-vaxxer extremists were spotted on the sandy beaches of Cancun, Mexico. Anti-vaxxer extremists and overall scumbags, Chris and Jenny Saccoccia, were spotted on the beaches of Cancun, Mexico this afternoon. Jenny, 49, was spotted riding her husband Chris, 38, around 12 PM on a beach just steps away from Hotel Jardín Cancún,
Police Arrest Santa Claus, 1751, of the North Pole, on Suspicion of Burglarizing Several Metro Vancouver Pharmacies
A rash of pharmacy burglaries in the Vancouver area have been tied to back to North Police resident Santa Claus. The 1751-year-old has many aliases, including Father Christmas and Kris Kringle. According to police, thirteen pharmacies in the Vancouver area have been burglarized in the last four days. The thieves are alleged to have
Vladislav Sobolev’s Sexy Charity Calendar Leaks Online!
The most influential anti-vaxxer in Canada (WAY more influential than Chris Saccoccia), Vladislav Sobolev, had his charity calendar leak online, and only The Platypus has the details. Kazakh heartthrob and Canada’s sexiest anti-vaxxer (WAY sexier than Chris Saccoccia), Vladislav Sobolev, was working with an unnamed publishing house to release a 2022 calendar! Each month
Chris “Sky” Saccoccia, Anticipating Lockdowns Through 2022, Announces an LGBTQ Pride Clothing Line
Chris Saccoccia, the notorious anti-vaxxer extremist, has announced plans to launch a clothing line for Pride month next year. According to Mr. Saccoccia, the collection was inspired by his openly bisexual wife, Jenny Saccoccia, who was looking for a way to expand their popularity amongst members of the LGBTQ community. Beginning in May 2022,
Build-a-Bear Announces a Special Edition Chris “Sky” Saccoccia Teddy Bear Collection
Build-A-Bear, the US retailer that sells teddy bears and other stuffed animals, has announced a special edition teddy bear collection to commemorate the anti-vaxxer storming of their West Edmonton Mall store. Anti-vaxxer threesome, Chris Saccoccia, Jenny Saccoccia and Qazi Zeeshan Ahmed, have been immortalized in plushy form, courtesy of Build-A-Bear Workshop. The company’s design
Exclusive Photo of Chris Sky Posing for Pfizer Ad Campaign After Reaching Deal With the Pharmaceutical Company
Canada’s shortest and most annoying anti-vaxxer is now working for the enemy. After reaching a ten year exclusive deal with the pharmaceutical company Pfizer, Chris has decided that vaccines are awesome and everyone should get as many as they can! According to Chris’ wife’s sister’s hairdresser, the Saccoccias managed to score the six-figure deal
Burlington Man Wears Mask While Driving. What happens next is disturbing!
We’re living during some crazy times right now and this story tops even the craziest of crazy stories. Over the weekend an unidentified Burlington man found himself in a very scary situation after wearing a surgical mask while driving alone in his vehicle on the Burlington Skyway Bridge last weekend. After driving for approximately
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